A Hardened Heart
by: Joyce Chang
A Hardened Heart
What does Jesus and the good news really mean to me?
I’ve mustered up a few Sunday School answers, preaching to myself the multiple reasons why Jesus’ life and death are important me, but the words were unconvincing in my mouth.
Perhaps you can resonate with me. You, especially you: the one who leads in church, or who grew up in a Christian home.
The fact is, your heart doesn’t desire Jesus. And you feel shameful because it’s been days, weeks, or even years you’ve been feeling this way. You don’t feel the itch to praise him, the need to pray, or the interest to read Scripture.
You feel indifferent to everything spiritual. Apathy replaces passion. A once repentant heart now repents for the sake of repenting. You fall into temptation again and again, but slowly, it becomes another habitual pattern.
You avoid community and God, and isolate yourself. The walls are built high so that no one can peer in, cross over, or tear it down. Maybe so no one can hurt you again. Maybe to avoid the bitterness or resentment that has grown inside you. Pride leads to toxic self-sufficiency. You can do it all, or you need to do it all. There’s no one you can rely on except yourself.
These, my friends, are symptoms of a hardened heart.
Sometimes it’s a result of your sin, sometimes it’s a result of someone else’s sin, sometimes life just happens, or it’s a melting pot of everything. It can amalgamate into complacency and indifference, or amplify into a vicious cycle of guilt, shame, and anxiety.
But the worst part is, you always feel alone.
The biggest thought that runs through my head during these times is, “No one understands me.” Honestly, yes, no one can ever fully understand or know you. Everyone comes from different backgrounds, life experiences, and personalities; they are not you, nor are they God. But also, how can you expect to be understood if you don’t allow someone in to understand?
The first step to cracking open a hardened heart is asking God for help.
All forms are welcome – ranty complaints, ugly crying, soft whimpering – if they’re honest. I’ve learned not to pray for a desire to desire Him, because emotions easily fluctuate. Just obeying for obedience’s sake easily turns into more obligatory tasks, so I’ve been taking another approach.
Tackling the root issues by…
1. Asking the Holy Spirit to help facilitate my thoughts as I sit and ponder about the factors that prompted bitterness, indifference, isolation, and toxic self-sufficiency in me
2. Acknowledging and confessing where I’m at
3. Asking for Jesus to intercede on my behalf because I don’t feel like praying, or I don’t know what to pray
As I’ve done so, I’ve been reminded that Jesus is proactive, not reactive.
He willingly came to earth to die for our sins, even though he had no fault, so we can have a way out of sin and guilt (Heb 9:13-14). He sympathizes with our weaknesses and sufferings (Heb 4:14-16). He pours out His love, mercy, grace and forgiveness for us not in spite of how we feel, but despite it.
The biggest thought that runs through my head during these times is, “No one understands me.”
Therefore, we, the church, should be imitators of Christ in this way. Too often, we shame these hardened hearts with Bible verses, or breeze past it because we don’t know what to say. We argue through their doubts and questions without showing love or empathy. We give unwarranted advice when all they want is someone to listen and understand. Can we be a Church that creates safe environments for them to be vulnerable? Can we be gentle, compassionate, and exhorting?
As you approach Easter, be honest with yourself.
What does Jesus and the good news really mean to you?
Do you need to be more intentional in cracking open that hardened heart?
Or do you need be His hands and feet for someone today?
Joyce Chang freelances photography and illustration, with a passion for the circular economy, service design, and design thinking. She trains ministry leaders through Leadership Training, and serves as a worship leader at New Hope Fellowship Downtown in Toronto. Leadership Training. Joyce is often found in a facilitator or consulting role bringing people, research, or thoughts together.