Being Bold in the Wilderness
by: Amelia Lee
“As I doubted my leadership, God flooded my beat-up heart with the peace of knowing that He was at the helm of the ship, assuring me that He was not going to leave me alone in the wilderness.”
If you’ve been part of a workplace or leadership team, chances are you’ve completed some sort of personality test. You know, those questionnaire-style forms where your selected responses to a series of scenarios are analyzed to categorize you into a “type.”
From Myers-Briggs to Enneagrams, I promise you, I’ve done them all. This of course includes every trending “personality test” on Buzzfeed...I mean, who wouldn’t want to know which Disney Princess they are? (I’m Princess Aurora, by the way. I love sleep).
Buzzfeed jokes aside, my results from the other professional assessments always tended to spit out the same general themes: commanding, controller, achiever, challenger, planner, task-oriented - all assertive qualities that I was proud to have on my internal resume of “How God Made Me.”
Yet, despite my confidence in these God-given traits, nothing could’ve prepared me for how the Lord was going to use them to build His kingdom, and in the process, stretch my areas of weakness.
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A few years ago, I got involved with an incredible, creative arts ministry and learned that the leading patriarch was planning on stepping down. He expressed how he didn’t necessarily have an idea of who his successor would be, nor whether the ministry would even continue. Without thinking, I interrupted him mid-conversation and said, “I’ll lead it.”
In hindsight, I probably should’ve prayed about it first, but you know, all those personality assessments did tell me that I’m an efficient hustler, and that I get stuff done. Well, this ministry was something that I believed needed to get done, and I was ready to hit the ground running.
Being the new commander-in-chief came with a slough of challenges: Members of the original team stepped down, finances got pulled, and every new idea or plan I tried to execute ended up crumbling or being shut down by circumstances beyond my control.
The worst part was the discouragements that came as I tried to recruit others for the bold forge ahead.
“Amelia, maybe this ministry just needs to die off...Amelia, I think you’re being too ambitious in what you’re trying to do here...Amelia, there is no way this ministry is going to be able to support itself.”
I didn’t get it. All my efforts were yielding zero results.
“But I’m showing up Lord,” I cried. “I’m putting in the work and trying to rebuild this thing. Do you even want this ministry to continue? Because if you don’t, tell me and I’ll throw in the towel. But if you DO want it, I can’t do it by myself.”
Bingo. That was the key point God had for me. That, despite having the passion, determination, and tenacity to push forward (all traits that God developed in me over time), I was not supposed to do it by myself, nor on my timeline or terms.
“The people who survive the sword will find favour in the wilderness; I will come to give rest to Israel.” (Jeremiah 31:2).
I remember reading this verse through tears, as the Lord cut through my feelings of failure, disappointment, and abandonment. As I doubted my leadership, God flooded my beat-up heart with the peace of knowing that He was at the helm of the ship, assuring me that He was not going to leave me alone in the wilderness.
Over the span of almost 2 years, God not only used my assertive strengths to slowly rebuild the ministry by His agenda, but He also took the time (albeit, painfully) to develop my areas of spiritual lacking - patience, grace towards others, and the understanding that although the world would hurt and disappoint me, Jesus would not.
As you navigate through your own version of the wilderness, be bold. Know that God desires to grow you, utilize your dominant traits, and set you apart for His kingdom and ultimate glory.
Based in Vancouver (BC), Amelia is a corporate marketing professional, producer, competitive dance teacher and choreographer. She loves leading her youth group and hustling for Atesto - a creative arts platform that exists to make Jesus known through the power of testimony. Learn more: atestovan.com
Instagram: @amelialjlee @atestovan