Breaking Free From Soulitary Confinement
By: Bianca Schaefer
Like the prisoner who is punished and sent to solitary confinement, I lay awake at 3am wondering if that was me. Silence had become my worst enemy and I felt all alone.
Frustrated by yet another sleepless night, my time in prayer felt like a one-sided conversation being played over and over again—like a broken record. Though I began praying calmly, before I knew it, I was lamenting about my situation. My thoughts shifted back and forth from trust to worry, from hope to despair, until I downright started demanding answers.
God, I need clear direction!
Silence.
Though I tried to remind myself of God’s promises, I struggled to believe them. Prayers for rosy outcomes just weren’t being answered. My patience was wearing thin. What was the lesson here? What did He really want from me?
‘Just tell me what you want me to do and I’ll do it.’
More silence.
Sure, I knew I should seek Him; read His Word, and “lean not on my own understanding”. And though I knew the scripture well, I couldn’t help but try to make sense of things. Unenthusiastically, I flipped through the pages of the bible, but who was I kidding? I didn’t really want to read it.
That’s when I knew my soul was in trouble. Discouragement and doubt had replaced my usual joy and peace.
If God was near, why did He feel so far away?
I blamed God for not answering my prayers yet I had no desire to do what I call ‘the obvious’. Each time I asked for advice, thoughts of reading the Bible, seeking Him above all else, and continuing to praise, serve, and worship Him came to mind. It seemed so redundant. Obviously, I knew I was supposed to do that. But those things weren’t solving my problems. I wanted Him to give me some real advice—loud and clear.
Proverbs 3:6 in the New Living Translation says, “Seek His Will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take”. So just maybe, He had been showing me all along. But ‘the obvious’ wasn’t something I was prepared to accept!
Eventually, I made things worse when I stopped communicating with friends. Because the friends who had my ‘spiritual back’ surely didn’t want to hear about my problems—yet again! Things hadn’t changed in months. What else was there to say? Worse, I just wasn’t my usual upbeat self. It was better to keep quiet.
Instead of continuing to share my struggles, I distanced myself from the very people I knew were praying for me. Praying for what I wanted on my behalf. But were these truly the prayers we should have been praying?
The more time passed without answers, the lonelier I felt. And just like that, I was in ‘Soulitary Confinement’. It took me a while, but eventually I realized the enemy was at work. He wanted me to doubt God, feel discouraged and become just like a prisoner.
I knew things had to change.
When I finally confided in a friend about the condition of my soul, her words lifted me right out of ‘Soulitary Confinement’ and straight into the arms of Jesus. At last, I was ready to surrender to obedience and trust God with the outcome He only knew.
Friend, today I want to remind you that God is with you and He hears you even when the silence seems deafening. If pride is holding you back from doing “the obvious”, then repent. Because sometimes doing the obvious is exactly where God wants to transform you the most. And—an unexpected enlightenment may be just what your soul needs.
“But now, thus says the LORD, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you: when you walk through the fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.” Isaiah 43:1-2, ESV
At Gather Women, we never want you to feel alone. Because you, sweet daughter of the Almighty God, belong to a Father who loves you, cares for you, and never leaves you to contend with struggles on your own. Break free from the holding cell of ‘Soulitary Confinement’ and embrace Gather Women as a sisterhood that has your spiritual back.
Bianca Schaefer is a Writer, Certified Life, and Business Coach, Registered Holistic
Nutritionist, and Personal Trainer who inspires a global community through nourishing
their body, mind, and spirit with delicious foods, an active lifestyle, and a mindset that
believes anything is possible. Her mission is to help others realize their greatest
potential and discover God’s love. Bianca serves as Vice-President of the Board at
Stronger Together Community Society, a non-profit organization that supports those
recovering from trauma. Her articles and blogs have been featured in Team Jesus
Magazine, Gather Women and The Local Biz Magazine. Currently, she is putting the
finishing touches on her first book, which intersects physical and spiritual health. Find
out more about Bianca at:
http://biancaschaefer.com/
https://www.instagram.com/biancaschaefer1/
https://www.facebook.com/BiancaSchaefer360HealthCoach