Strength in Our Hope
by: Jaclyn Weidner
I hoped to get pregnant. I hoped for 3 years. And then, I just knew. I knew even before I “knew.” When I brought that rectangle box home for verification, I was positive that I was positive. Sure enough, those faint little lines confirmed what I already knew in my heart to be true.
This was the very thing I had hoped for, completing our little family with one last bundle. Sure this babe would be a few years behind the rest, but their older sisters' excitement far exceeded my own.
The weeks passed, the nausea increased, and the planning began. My oldest even criticized me for waiting to let my work know that I wouldn’t be there in the fall. The whole family was in on the excitement; it was too much fun! Finally, it felt like we were living out a promise that God had given me years earlier. “His timing is perfect,” I thought to myself one afternoon as I dusted off the maternity bin that had been hiding behind all-the-things.
Everything was falling perfectly into place.
And it was. Until the first signs began to present themselves that all was not as it should be. “Well there are lots of reasons for these symptoms,” I reasoned with myself. And there are. Having 3 girls and a miscarriage between number one and two, I understood the devastation that might be facing me. But I didn’t want to give in to fear.
In John 14:27 Jesus talks about his unique gift of peace, and I love the way it’s worded in The Passion Translation. “I leave the gift of peace with you—my peace. Not the kind of fragile peace given by the world, but my perfect peace. Don’t yield to fear or be troubled in your hearts—instead, be courageous!”
“Don’t yield to fear.” I didn’t want to let my mind start to spin out of control.
But sometimes, try as we might, our thoughts begin to race down a track that gains momentum and feels impossible to stop. Working to take thoughts captive has felt like more than just a spectator sport these past few years.
And even as the unwanted events began to unfold against my will, I felt it. I was covered in it: peace. His peace is beyond our understanding.
Now don’t get me wrong, there were tears. If I’m honest, it nearly took me out. My heart cried out in anguish, “But God, what about your promise? Where are you? Where were you?” There was deeply felt loss throughout our entire little family. We grieved, apart, and together. And as my due date has come and gone, a fresh wave of grief was ushered in with the changing seasons.
These are the moments where loss feels so great and heavy, it feels like it has snuffed out any tiny spark of hope that remains. And while I would love to tie this story up with a bow, an announcement, an “All was right in the end” story, I can’t. I’m still in the middle of my story, and friend, I have a guess that you are too.
Isn’t that what faith is? Hope in something we don’t see. And though the blows of life can threaten to take us out, we remain. Rooted. Anchored. Strong. Not because circumstances fell perfectly into place. But because our hope rests not in the things of this world, but rather in the One who holds the world in the palm of His hand and puts the stars in their place.
We don’t hope in what He can bring us but rather in who He is, and what He has already done for us on the cross. Our hope, in Him, isn’t weak - it’s strong.
“But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.” Isaiah 40:31
Jaclyn Weidner lives in Cloverdale BC with her husband and 3 talkative girls! She is the host of the Ready to Thrive Podcast, helping women move from surviving to thriving with practical tips and a whole lotta Jesus, and the author of Tangled: A Soul Care Revival Guide.