The Elevator Practice of Listening
by: Loreli Cockram
It can start out fumbling and sometimes I'll get a quick rebuff or even silence. But most often, when my question takes, and the person riding the elevator with me decides to open up, suddenly the 30-second ride can become a moment of connection.
I started the practice of initiating elevator conversations after a couple of years living in our 22-storey high-rise in Toronto. Elevator rides are a necessary, daily reality of life in a high-rise. They are also notoriously awkward - a taste of the tedium of a waiting room. I began to view this floor-to-floor transition time with possibility. I could get to know my neighbours and neighbourhood better. I began by asking simple questions of my elevator companions. You wouldn't believe how much you can get out of a "How's your day going?"
I have realized how readily people want to be listened to by how much they divulge to me, a stranger. I have, within that short ride, received a favourite family recipe, had a young man detail how much he loves his wife, heard a young person's excitement about her new business, a woman's heartache about her husband's Alzheimer's diagnosis, and more than a few courageous immigration stories. I have made friends.
Having worked in overseas ministry and currently in support of pregnant and parenting youth in Toronto, I can tell you that listening is essential work for the missionary. Some may believe that it is supplemental (or maybe even unnecessary) to the work of sharing the gospel and meeting needs - I believe that it is essential. And I would even go so far as to say that it is a priority. We must, above all, be listening for the voice and direction of God, and we must be listening to the cares, concerns, and culture of those we are called to serve. Listening is how we understand what God wants from us and what others truly need from us. We would be ineffective ministers otherwise.
Consider for a moment the effect of listening. It is a rare gift to have someone's attentive ear. If you've received this gift, you can likely speak to its impact - it lifts your load, remedies loneliness, helps you to see things realistically, gives you hope, and motivates you toward change. None of these are superficial effects. A teen mom who feels despair about her overwhelming situation will find hope for her future; a refugee who is stuck in the bureaucratic system can gain strength in the waiting; a friend who has carried the weight of shame can find freedom... when someone listens.
I believe that Jesus is a listener. I know this by what I read in scripture, by my experience of him in silence and solitude, and by the wise people he puts into my life who are listeners. As a follower of Jesus, I have a desire to become more like him and that means learning to listen.
Except that I am not a naturally good listener. Studies show that few people are. In conversation, we jump to conclusions, push our own opinions, allow our biases to misinterpret what others are saying, or limit the time and attention we give to others. Instead of listening, we're busy either protecting or promoting ourselves.
If listening is a key component to loving others well and revealing Jesus to them, we must challenge ourselves to tune in to the words and emotions of others. Striking up elevator conversations is a start - it will inevitably humble you as a listener and spark a desire for greater connection. But you don't have to live in a high-rise - there are plenty of opportunities to listen to strangers and friends you are in contact with every day. It can begin as easily as asking, with a ready ear and an open heart, "How's your day going?"
Loreli Cockram is the Young Parents Director at Youth Unlimited (Toronto Youth For Christ). Loreli uses her passions to cultivate a city-wide ministry supporting pregnant and parenting youth (ages 15-25) and their children. Loreli lives in Etobicoke with her husband, John-Mark, a pastor at Runnymede Community Church, and their two adult daughters, Mallory & Sophia.