Calm Amid Chaos
by: Stacy Mattheis
The room was dim, candles were lit and music was playing. I was in the birthing pool in the basement of our home catching my breath in between contractions. This was my second pregnancy and labor came on quickly, intensely…chaotically. As I lay in the water catching my breath the song changed from a soft worship melody to a bluegrass rendition of Shine by Creed with Dolly Parton.
It was as if the fringe activity in the room slowed down to a haze and I watched from inside the eye of the tornado that was welcoming our second child into the world. As the song crescendoed I felt the urge to push. Someone on the fringe of the room turned the music down and my focus shifted away from pushing to the chaos outside of me. “Don’t touch that…please!” I said in my gentlest labouring voice because the music was centering me.
The lyrics “Oh Heaven let your lite shine down” were on repeat and I began to talk to Jesus in that moment. I needed Him to bring calm into the chaos of this birth experience. The entire birth was no more than 2 hours but I remember feeling the presence of the Lord in the room, in the center of the chaos as I birthed new life.
I had to release all that I was holding tightly, the familiar and the safe and allow Him to take it all in order to create a new life and a new way.
In Psalm 51:10-12, in the Message, the Psalmist writes “Tune me in to foot-tapping songs, set these once-broken bones to dancing. Don't look too close for blemishes, give me a clean bill of health. God, make a fresh start in me, shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life. Don't throw me out with the trash, or fail to breathe holiness in me. Bring me back from gray exile, put a fresh wind in my sails!”
What does a Genesis week mean?
Genesis is to create something new, something from seemingly nothing. The psalmist admits that they seem unworthy of a fresh start, a new life. They are asking the Lord to look past their flaws and distractions and reorient them to the presence and power of God. The past two years have felt a lot like that birth experience. The chaos of the world causing me to brace for the next pivot, the next contraction, as we respond to another change in our circumstances. In the chaos, I withdraw,, I succumb to my humanness as bitterness and frustration well up as I process all the division, disunity and confusion that has built up in me and in the church.
What do we do when the chaos has become louder than the calm, peace of the Spirit?
We ask the Lord for a Genesis week, and we ask every day. I recognized that chaos was wrapped up in religion but when I chased after a relationship with God the calm of His presence rested on my heart. I had to release all that I was holding tightly, the familiar and the safe and allow Him to take it all in order to create a new life and a new way. I saw that my identity as a follower of Jesus was attached to tasks, to programming and a building. As I confessed and acknowledged the dark areas of my heart He showed me that to follow Him was to put His teaching over the tasks, His Presence over the programming, His grace over legalism and His holiness over the hustle. It’s not easy to admit that after 35 years of following Him I needed to be reborn, I needed a new week and will need to experience that Genesis week again and again, not because I don’t want to embrace what that births in me but because I am human and I will always need the Lord more than myself.
And just like the psalmist, I bring my frailty to the feet of Jesus, admit my weaknesses and trust in the grace and love of Christ.
…He showed me that to follow Him was to put His teaching over the tasks, His Presence over the programming, His grace over legalism and His holiness over the hustle.
January always brings the hope of a new year, a new opportunity, a chance to start over. I am asking God to shape a Genesis week out of my chaos so I can regain clarity on my calling too. I don’t want the Genesis week to be lost on me alone. I believe the clarity and calm that will come in the midst of my reshaping is so others can see the love and truth that is Jesus. I want a fresh wind in my sails so I can forge forward, push through the contraction pains and bring life to others. I don’t want to stay tangled in the chaos, the sin of hesitation and disobedience and I don’t think you do either. Let’s pray together that no matter what storm we are in the middle of, the calm in the eye of it is journeyed best with Jesus.
Stacy Mattheis lives in Red Deer, Alberta with her husband Tyler and two of their three adult children. Stacy homeschooled all three, has served in many different areas of ministry in her local church from Women’s Ministry, technical teams, spiritual formation, family ministry, and recently joined the Executive Team of Gather Women. She values unity, authenticity and truth. You can find her reflecting on life and her journey with the Lord on Instagram @stacymattheis and Facebook at stacymattheis.