Finding Forgiveness
by: Rebecca Doner
Finding Forgiveness
I recall clearly sitting in Sunday service listening to my Pastor talk about times when God asks us to do hard things. In the message he asked the congregation if anyone had ever been in a place where God asked them to do something very difficult, something that may have even felt impossible. In that moment, I knew there must have been something, but like so many times when a question is asked in service, my mind froze and I couldn’t think of anything.
Then as typically happens, later that day it hit me, my own story of a time when God called me to a very difficult, seemingly impossible task. My story is about finding forgiveness.
Forgiveness at the best of times and in the simplest form is hard.
However, when you feel hurt or deeply wounded and in a way that is seemingly undeserved, it is a hundred fold the challenge, I know this from experience. It was in my late teenage years that God started working in my heart and telling me that I needed to find forgiveness for someone in my life. Someone who I had been deeply wounded by, marking me with a pain that I carried with me and had for years. It was an experience that I had never fully understood why God allowed to happen, and have now come to accept that I likely never will.
My first response to God’s urging to forgive was simply, “I can’t” and at first I think I sincerely believed that. I believed that it was not that I did not want to, not that I was withholding forgiveness, but that I actually could not. After much wrestling with God, I came to the realization that it was never about “I can’t”, it was always really about “I won’t”. The truth is, somehow the feeling that forgiveness was beyond my capacity had given me the freedom to not act on what God had asked me to do.
I knew all things were possible with God. I knew He would not ask me to do anything that He would not help me to accomplish. I knew He was calling me to obedience and that I always have the ability within me to obey Him, my God who is ever working towards a good and perfect purpose and plan for my life.
As soon as I realized I was hiding under the shadow of “I can’t” and realized it was a choice I was making to not even work towards the goal of forgiveness, the harsh reality of the responsibility that was hidden inside my choice actually set in.
God in His grace used this realization to teach me some invaluable lessons about forgiveness. You see, somehow I felt like forgiveness meant that I was saying everything was okay. That no wrong had happened, that someone was ‘getting off the hook’ for what had been said or done. I somehow felt that forgiveness was giving permission and was me saying somehow that I was wrong.
God taught me that forgiveness is not about someone else, it is about me. It is not about approving their behaviour or thinking that justice was not served, instead it is about letting go of the poison in my own heart. It is about releasing judgement, hatred and the control over the situation. It is choosing to walk in obedience with God instead of being obedient to anger and bitterness. Mostly, I learned forgiveness can happen without an acknowledgement or apology from the responsible party – and that is okay. I am not offering forgiveness because they ask for it, but because God does.
It took time, a lot of time, and I wrestled intensely with my old feelings returning again and again. But as God drew me closer and closer through the journey my efforts became easier. In the end forgiveness came. It came without apology or recognition of any pain caused…but it came.
Then, the most amazing thing happened. Where anger and hurt had been there was now sympathy and sorrow for the extreme brokenness, bitterness and desperate need of Jesus in that person’s life.
My heart that had been hardened was soft. It was changed not by eloquent words of healing spoken to me, not by a grand gesture of reconciliation from them, but by an act of obedience to the call of my Saviour who is always asking me to do exactly what I need, even when it may seem impossible. My Saviour who is faithful and reminds me that “What is impossible with man is possible with God.” Luke 18:27
Choosing forgiveness was one of the most difficult and most freeing choices I have ever made, and I was only able to find it by leaning on God and His strength to see me through. What is your hard thing? Maybe seemingly impossible thing that God is asking you to do today? In whatever He is calling you to, know that He is faithful to see you through it. Remember there is no fear God is not stronger than, no darkness He’s not brighter than and no monster you will face that He is not bigger than!
Rebecca Doner is wife to her high-school sweetheart, and mom to four amazing kids. She works full time in business partnership with her sister-in-law. She serves on the Elder’s board at her local church and is actively involved in several ministries there. She is a speaker who eagerly uses her voice to impart to the God's love, life, and truth to the world. Most recently she has felt led to serve on the executive team at Gather Women - a national women’s ministry, and in her ‘spare time’ is studying for her MTS (Masters of Theological Studies) at Tyndale Seminary.
www.rebeccadoner.com IG: @lifeinoverflow