In The Middle Of The Lake
by: Bianca Schaefer
In the cool September air, I stand at the beach, willing myself to take off my warm clothes. Wearing nothing but my bathing suit, I walk to water’s edge admiring the beauty of God’s creation. I walk in slowly, readying my body for the chilly blanket about to surround me. My arms lift higher and I start walking on my tippy toes—as if that’s going to help when I keep going deeper and deeper. But then I pause.
“Lord, I don’t know how much more of this I can take.”
Just when I think I’m finally finding my balance, another wave comes and knocks me off of my feet.
The waves don’t keep crashing in faster than I can sturdy myself. Nooo, they wait. They wait till I’m settled thinking, “I’ve got this. I’m gonna be okay.” Then, from out of nowhere, I’m back under the water.
The first few times this happens, I think of Peter walking towards Jesus on the water. Jesus beckons Peter to come, but when He sees the wind and takes his eyes off Christ, he begins to sink. Jesus reaches out and grabs him. Matthew 14: 29 – 31
I ask myself; do I have little faith?
I keep on praying, but those unexpected waves keep coming.
And as I stand in the lake, I feel Jesus with me. Tears roll down my cheeks as I come to grips with my shattered dream. I’ve already surrendered. Not my will, Lord, but yours. “But Jesus, it still hurts”. Obedience can feel right and feel hard at the same time. I nod in silence, knowing full well He understands.
It’s time to wash away my sorrow. And under the water I go. When I come up, I take a deep breath and sigh. I walk back out of the water in peace until the next wave catches me off guard.
It’s been like this now for much longer than I want to endure. I want God to put an end to my suffering and it feels like he keeps moving the finish line every time I get a little closer. I’m an endurance runner, so it feels like a never-ending marathon.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve jumped into that lake this year, awaiting a baptism of suffering gone and coming up stronger on the other side. But that’s just not where I’m at. I’m in the midst of the lake, standing with Jesus, who’s keeping me there as long as I need to be.
In the midst is where I’ve been learning, I have no control over the condition of the lake. Waves can come, or the water can settle. The only thing I can control is how I handle myself in the water. God is in control and it’s up to me how I want to live. How do you want to live? Can you remain steadfast even when you don’t know the end of the story?
"And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast." 1 Peter 5:10 NIV
In the midst is where I’ve been learning to swim with the current. When the riptide comes, don’t fight it. Swim parallel to shore until you can swim to safety. Whether I create the riptide, or something else does, I’ve got the skills, tools, and gifts to help me. God has given me His Word, His Son, and the Holy Spirit to help me get through life. He’s also given me so much more. What skills, tools, and gifts has God given you? Who has God put in your life to stand with you when you need hope?
"For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope." Romans 15:4 NIV
In the midst is where I’ve been learning that sometimes, what looks like a powerful wave aimed to take me under can actually turn into the wave I ride upon to a new and unexpected destination. Despite my circumstance, I can still see some blessings.
What treasure in the trial have you discovered? Do you have someone to help you identify the blessings even when you can’t?
“Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:21-23 NIV
All this to say, our stories aren’t always told best when we’re finally standing safely on the beach.
Sometimes, the story is best told when you’re still in the middle of the lake.
Bianca Schaefer is a Writer, Certified Life, and Business Coach, Registered Holistic Nutritionist, and Personal Trainer who inspires a global community through nourishing their body, mind, and spirit with delicious foods, an active lifestyle, and a mindset that believes anything is possible. Her mission is to help others realize their greatest potential and discover God’s love. Bianca serves as Vice-President of the Board at Stronger Together Community Society, a non-profit organization that supports those recovering from trauma. Her articles and blogs have been featured in Team Jesus Magazine, Gather Women and The Local Biz Magazine. Currently, she is putting the finishing touches on her first book, which intersects physical and spiritual health. Find out more about Bianca at: