The Quiet Season
by: Amy Gordon
There is a type of quiet that descends with deafening loudness. It can be scary and intimidating, but it can also be peaceful and inviting. In Psalm 23 we read that God leads us beside quiet waters, renewing our very life.
“The LORD is my shepherd; I have what I need. He lets me lie down in green pastures; he leads me beside quiet waters. He renews my life...” (Ps 23:1-3a, CSB)
Recently I found myself in a Quiet Season. My voice had been lost in the wilderness of the preceding months. It had been silenced by lies, doubts and fears. My life still went on around me, but my voice had been lost in the fray, drowned out by the voices of other people and expectations that seemed to shout louder, bolder, wiser. I no longer trusted my own voice so I stopped using it because whenever I tried, I saw failure. I believed the lie that my voice was not needed in the world. I let sin, and then guilt, bury what God had put within me.
As a wife and mother, my words were guarded, tired and impatient. They did not nurture or encourage, and I often regretted the words that came out of my mouth.
As a teacher and leader, my spoken words were forced, heavy and hard. They did not flow with compassion or grace. They were stilted, deliberate, coming from my head not my heart.
As a writer, my written words had become paralizyed. I could not put pen to paper, fingers to keyboard. Lots of thoughts were locked up in me that I could not get out.
This Quiet Season is similar to how Emily P. Freeman writes of “darkness” in her book, “The Next Right Thing”. On page 39 she penned these words, “letting the darkness do what darkness does - nourish, strengthen and hold.” She continues, describing how a seed must endure the darkness before taking root and giving life. The Quiet Season can be like this too, if we let quiet do what quiet does - nurture, protect, restore, heal. Yes, I had stopped trusting my own voice, but what I saw as failure, God was using to work deep within me to root, establish, nurture and grow the plans that he has for me. I buried my voice because of disappointment, but God never let it go. Even in the deep he held it tight, cupping it tenderly in his hands, holding it with compassion, waiting for his perfect timing to release it once again. God provided a season of quiet so I could turn off the outside voices and tune into his.
In this Quiet Season God reminded me that my voice should not be silenced. Being quiet does not equal being silent. Quiet is about my soul. Silence is about my voice. God has given me a voice. He has given you a voice. The work to find and trust that voice happens in the quiet spaces of the soul. The holy and sometimes messy work of clarifying, wrestling, renewing, and growing still happens in the deep, nurturing dark of these quiet spaces. It is within this holy quiet space where we learn to listen to the voice of God and to trust what it is he is saying, believing that God is who he says he is, that he will do what he says he will do, and that he will use us to accomplish what he has created us for. The Quiet Season is actually a season of preparation.
We might go through a Quiet Season, but let us not go silent.
We have voices that need to be heard, so let us let quiet do what quiet does. Let us let the word of God dwell deep within so our voices and our lives speak truth, believing and “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” (Phil 1:6, NIV)
Amy Gordon is a mom, pastor’s wife, and Special Education teacher. She is passionate about encouraging women in all walks of life as they seek to live well. She and her husband Andrew minister at Compass Community Church in Orangeville, Ontario where their home serves as a homebase for their four teenage and young adult boys.